


Do it.

by AllMyCrushesAreDead



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cutting, Gen, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, It's projecting onto Logan hours, Logan is not okay and neither am I, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, at least, not yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27032773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyCrushesAreDead/pseuds/AllMyCrushesAreDead
Summary: Logan has a very bad night of intrusive thoughts and it doesn't end well.HEED THE TAGS!!!
Comments: 7
Kudos: 58





	Do it.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!!!  
> PLEASE read the tags! There is some triggering content in this fic!!  
> Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Its been FOREVER since I posted a fic! College and home problems (including my mom confiscating my writing) made it hard to keep updating! I am still working on Sad, and I'm hoping to update that soon! Anyways, this is a self-indulgent Logan angst vent fic, so hope ya enjoy!!  
> Love ya! ♡♡♡

Logan pushed the razor further away from himself, curling up in a ball and hugging his limbs close.

 _Do it_ , his brain whispered. _Do it. No one will care, no one even noticed the last time you did it. The only reason you were found out is because you were a fucking idiot and got caught in the act. If you weren’t so fucking dumb, no one would have known and you could have kept going without anyone getting in your way. You know it helps, it makes your brain shut up for five minutes so you can breathe. Just do it. Break the razor open and take out the blade. Do it, you fucking pussy. See, you can’t even do it because you’re so weak. If you weren’t so much of a pussy, you could actually follow through with what you want. You know you want it. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so conflicted. It’s not a question of if you want to do it or not, you’re just afraid of getting caught again. That’s the only thing holding you back. You know it’s true, see? You’re not even denying it._

_Do it._

**_Do it._ **

**_DO IT!_ **

Logan lashed out, grasping the disposable razor in one hand. Removing the plastic cover, he grabbed a scissors and started hacking at the plastic.

_See, you fucking bitch. Now you’re doing what you want. Fuck what anyone else wants, this is your life. Oh, wittle baby Logan can’t even break the razor? Yeah, you fucking pussy. Because you’re weak. You don’t even deserve to do this. That’s just how worthless you are._

Logan wiped a hand furiously at the tears streaming down his face, hacking at the razor with earnest. The blades nicked his finger on accident, and logan let out a tight hiss at the unexpected pain. The rush that followed only pushed him to get the blade out even faster. This had to work. Nothing else was working. He had to make it stop.

Logically, he knew this wouldn’t help. If he relapsed, he would only hate himself worse. But for the time being, it would make him stop thinking, would make his goddamn mess of a brain shut up for TWO FUCKING SECONDS.

Finally, the plastic began to give, breaking away piece by piece. This razor would be better than the one he had used last time. The last one was a dollar store razor blade, and it had been flimsy and dull. It had gotten the job done though. That’s what counted.

Several accidental finger nicks and lots of strangled curses later, the blades were free. His hand shaking and his chest tight, Logan tossed the plastic in the trash, locking himself in the bathroom.

He couldn’t do his arms, that would be too obvious. It was October in Florida, you can’t exactly wear long sleeves and not draw attention to yourself, not in 90 degree weather.

Ripping down his slacks, he pressed the blade to his thigh, hand shaking harshly.

_Do it._

He dragged the blade across his skin, relaxing into the harsh stinging pain. It burned like hell, but it finally made his brain quiet.

Then the regret set it. Why did he regret it? This is what he wanted. He had been aching to do it all day, why did he now feel awful for going through with his thoughts?

 _Worthless, stupid, piece of shit,_ his brain chanted. _So desperate that you went and cut yourself like a fucking paper. That’s all you are, some worthless thing only good enough to be torn up and thrown away._

He added another slice, this time out of rage. His brain had been telling him to do this all day, but as soon as he went through with it, it turned the tables back on him. There was no way to win.

Another slice added to the array of scars, blood pearling on the cuts so perfectly before tumbling down his leg and down the shower drain. It was mesmerizing in a sick sort of way, the skin splitting so delicately under the blade, the crimson red blood beading at the lips of the cuts, slowly tracing a path down to the shower, the red blood staining the white shower crimson. Logan turned on the showerhead, not bothering to move out of the spray or to even strip down fully. The water soaked his shirt and underclothes through, his glasses fogging up and dripping water. He ripped the glasses off, tossing them onto the bathroom floor with a huff.

Logan didn’t remember when he decided to keep cutting, he only saw the red marks continue to litter his thighs in a detached haze. The red faded, swirling in mesmerizing spirals down the drain. Logan almost would have been upset that the pretty display of colors was gone, except for the fact that more quickly took its place.

In the back of his mind, he knew this was a bad idea, but it didn’t stop him from continuing, his mind fogged but racing.

_Do it._

**_Do it._ **

**_ Do it. _ **

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this self indulgent Logan angst! Yell at me in the comments if there's a mistake and feel free to comment and leave kudos if that's your thing! Stay safe and stay cool! Love ya! ♡♡♡  
> Also!!! Thank you so much to [Von](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VengeanceOfNyx) for betaing this fic! They're an amazing writer and you should go check out their work!!!  
> \- Gabby ♡


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